DVS Offerings

Thursday, Dec 14
12:12 AM

Launch Acceleration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Higgs Boson Observation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

December 13, 2017

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

Is this real life? Full Frontal celebrates the results of the Alabama special election and the return of our ability to feel joy.

TV-MA

4:12 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Episode 81112

Conan

Guests: Owen Wilson, Flula Borg, Noah Gardenswartz

TV-14

6:12 AM

Ferret Royale (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Illegal pet ferrets are leaking into California and the lieutenant could not be sicker about it. Tribeca and Geils follow a trail that naturally leads them to a high stakes poker game. The only problem? The Fish and Game Division is claiming jurisdiction.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Murder in the First Class (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Another passenger arrives dead at LAX and the lieutenant has finally been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. The gang goes undercover aboard an airplane to catch the killer in the act. The only problem? The lieutenant doesn't believe in antibiotics.

TV-14

8:12 AM

One with the Bomb, The (DVS)

Angie Tribeca

Geils has been kidnapped and the lieutenant is inches from death though you wouldn't know it from watching the episode. Tribeca will stop at nothing to save Geils before time runs out. The only problem? The 256 character limit on these descriptions makes i

TV-14

9:12 AM

Old Insurance Dodge

Married with Children

Upon reporting that the family's dilapidated 1974 Dodge has been stolen, Al is furious to find out that the insurance will only give him $50 for the car, so he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things that were in the missing car's trunk. When the police show up and announce that they have found the old Dodge, Al insists that he is happier with his old car back, than he would be with the multi-million dollar settlement.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Proposition, The

Married with Children

When Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, arrives she makes an indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night with Al. Though both Peg and Al have reservations about the proposal, they agree to do it for the children. However, after actually seeing Al in bed with Coco, Peggy reneges on the deal and returns Coco's check.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Hood 'n the Boyz

Married with Children

Al meets his girlfriend from when he was young, and a gang seems to be bothering her. Al feels he should help her with the problem.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Luck of the Bundys

Married with Children

Peg checks Al's horoscope and insists he's due for a stroke of good luck. But when good things actually start happening, Al gets a shrinking feeling that his luck won't last.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Queens' bro Bridge

King of Queens, The

Doug becomes excited when he learns Arthur inherited a house 10 years ago and may move.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Clothes Encounter

King of Queens, The

Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Clip Show Part 2, The

Seinfeld

Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Stripper, The

Friends

Rachel tells her belligerent father that she is pregnant with Ross' child.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Clothes Encounter

King of Queens, The

Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One with the Secret Closet, The

Friends

Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Tea Leaves, The

Friends

Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey. Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Joey's Interview, The

Friends

When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Switch, The

Seinfeld

Kramer's mom (Sheree North) reveals her son's name to George; guest Terry Sweeney.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Full Cognitive Redaction of Avery Bullock by the Coward Stan Smith, The

American Dad

Stan learns that the CIA wants to wipe out Bullock's memory after he exhibits signs of dementia; Roger hires Stelio Kontos to deal with a student who's bullying Steve at school.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Roasted Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

While watching a celebrity roast with Brian, Peter is inspired to throw a roast for himself, but it backfires when his friends go further then he expected. Hurt by what was said, Peter decides to seek out a new group of friends.

TV-14

Friday, Dec 15
12:12 AM

Missing Kink, The (DVS)

American Dad

Francine discovers she has a spanking fetish; Hayley goes out on a date with Snot.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Full Cognitive Redaction of Avery Bullock by the Coward Stan Smith, The

American Dad

Stan learns that the CIA wants to wipe out Bullock's memory after he exhibits signs of dementia; Roger hires Stelio Kontos to deal with a student who's bullying Steve at school.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Roasted Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

While watching a celebrity roast with Brian, Peter is inspired to throw a roast for himself, but it backfires when his friends go further then he expected. Hurt by what was said, Peter decides to seek out a new group of friends.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Chaperone, The

Seinfeld

Kramer chaperons Jerry's date with a beauty contestant; guest Ian Abercrombie.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Pledge Drive, The

Seinfeld

Jerry cashes old birthday checks from his grandmother.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Extract Obliteration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.

TV-14

6:12 AM

43 Peculiarity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard and Raj try to solve a mystery about Sheldon.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Episode 81113

Conan

Guests: Jack Black, Kate Hudson

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 81113

Conan

Guests: Jack Black, Kate Hudson

TV-14

9:12 AM

No Chicken, No Check

Married with Children

Al quits lending his car to Kelly and Bud, who take matters into their own hands and purchase one to share. But when both make plans for the drive-in, they are forced to double date, with each trying to get the other out of the car.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Scared Single

Married with Children

Al tries to counsel a new employee against marriage.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And the Story Telling Show (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline shares her riches-to-rags life story on stage at a storytelling night and captures the attention of a Hollywood studio executive. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg search for a surrogate.

TV-14

12:12 PM

No Chicken, No Check

Married with Children

Al quits lending his car to Kelly and Bud, who take matters into their own hands and purchase one to share. But when both make plans for the drive-in, they are forced to double date, with each trying to get the other out of the car.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Scared Single

Married with Children

Al tries to counsel a new employee against marriage.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Dog Shelter

King of Queens, The

Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Couch, The

Seinfeld

Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Bed Spread

King of Queens, The

Doug and Carrie borrow twin beds belonging to Deacon's children after their own bed breaks.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Dog Shelter

King of Queens, The

Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Couch, The

Seinfeld

Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Baby Shower, The

Friends

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One Where Rachel Is Late, The

Friends

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 2, The

Friends

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Poltergasm

American Dad

Steve and Roger discover that the house is haunted. The ghost appears as an apparition of a younger Francine. The ghost grows more powerful until it attacks Hayley's boyfriend and pulls him into the netherworld.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Take My Wife (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and the guys are invited on a Bahamas couples' vacation with their wives. Upon arrival, their host reveals that they're at a couples' counseling retreat.

TV-14

Saturday, Dec 16
12:12 AM

Da Flippity Flop

American Dad

Klaus swaps bodies with Stan after discovering that his original human body is on ice at the CIA; after converting the attic into a gym, Roger attempts to convince Stan to sign up for a lifetime membership.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Fish Guts Displacement, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Take My Wife (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and the guys are invited on a Bahamas couples' vacation with their wives. Upon arrival, their host reveals that they're at a couples' counseling retreat.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Soup, The

Seinfeld

Jerry regrets accepting a designer suit from an obnoxious comedian (Stephen Hytner).

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Fish Guts Displacement, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Egg Salad Equivalency, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.

TV-14

6:12 AM

ELeague Cup: Rocket League Rounds 3 & Semifinals

ELeague

TBS presents a 4-episode feature series documenting the game's most accomplished teams and players as they compete at the highest level, including their journey through The ELEAGUE Cup: Rocket League. (Part 3)

7:12 AM

Bruce Almighty (DVS)

Bruce Nolan is a local Eyewitness News TV reporter in Buffalo, New York, best known for doing human interest stories--which makes everyone happy but him. Bruce would much rather be replacing the soon-to-retire anchorman. Essentially, Bruce is disconnected with everything in his life and rarely misses an opportunity to complain about it. He has a loving girlfriend, Grace, who runs a day care center and adores Bruce in spite of his negativity. Bruce is handed a great opportunity when he's asked to do the 23rd anniversary of Niagra Falls' famed Maid of the Mist boat, which will air live during sweeps. But the mist hits the fan when it's announced on-air--just before Bruce goes live--that the co-anchor position, about to be vacated, is going to Bruce's superficial rival. In front of millions of viewers, Bruce has an on-camera meltdown, punctuated by a four-letter word not yet cleared for network television. On this worst day of Bruce's life, he's fired from the station, beaten up by a gang of toughs, and his car is vandalized. Furious, Bruce rails and rages against the Lord for his rotten luck--which is followed by a curious set of signs, one of which leads him to an old building called Omni Presents, Inc. There, Bruce meets a janitor who reveals himself to be who he really is. He's heard Bruce's complaints and now has an offer for the choleric newscaster. By endowing Bruce with all his powers, God challenges him to take on the job and see if he can do any better!

TV-PG

8:12 AM

Sofa So Good

Married with Children

Al and Peggy go away for awhile, and Kelly has her boyfriend over, who happens to ruin the couch. Bud and Kelly have to replace it before Al and Peggy come back.

TV-PG

9:12 AM

How Green Was My Apple

Married with Children

The Bundy's and the D'Arcys go to war over a property line dispute.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Kicker, The

Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank catches a record-setting football at a college game and refuses to return it to the kicker.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Sofa So Good

Married with Children

Al and Peggy go away for awhile, and Kelly has her boyfriend over, who happens to ruin the couch. Bud and Kelly have to replace it before Al and Peggy come back.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

How Green Was My Apple

Married with Children

The Bundy's and the D'Arcys go to war over a property line dispute.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Kicker, The

Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank catches a record-setting football at a college game and refuses to return it to the kicker.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Get Outta Dodge

Married with Children

When Al's old Dodge approaches the one million mark, the manufacturer offers to highlight it in a commercial in exchange for a brand new sports car.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Bruce Almighty (DVS)

Bruce Nolan is a local Eyewitness News TV reporter in Buffalo, New York, best known for doing human interest stories--which makes everyone happy but him. Bruce would much rather be replacing the soon-to-retire anchorman. Essentially, Bruce is disconnected with everything in his life and rarely misses an opportunity to complain about it. He has a loving girlfriend, Grace, who runs a day care center and adores Bruce in spite of his negativity. Bruce is handed a great opportunity when he's asked to do the 23rd anniversary of Niagra Falls' famed Maid of the Mist boat, which will air live during sweeps. But the mist hits the fan when it's announced on-air--just before Bruce goes live--that the co-anchor position, about to be vacated, is going to Bruce's superficial rival. In front of millions of viewers, Bruce has an on-camera meltdown, punctuated by a four-letter word not yet cleared for network television. On this worst day of Bruce's life, he's fired from the station, beaten up by a gang of toughs, and his car is vandalized. Furious, Bruce rails and rages against the Lord for his rotten luck--which is followed by a curious set of signs, one of which leads him to an old building called Omni Presents, Inc. There, Bruce meets a janitor who reveals himself to be who he really is. He's heard Bruce's complaints and now has an offer for the choleric newscaster. By endowing Bruce with all his powers, God challenges him to take on the job and see if he can do any better!

TV-PG

4:12 PM

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Zohan, a top Israeli commando, fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York. Though he wants to put his life of counter-terrorism behind him, he quickly finds it is not so easy to escape one's roots. As enemies old and new try to take him out, they will all come to learn the same thing: you don't mess with the Zohan.

TV-14

5:12 PM

Blue Streak (DVS)

Miles Logan is a professional jewel thief who is forced to hide $20 million worth of diamonds in a construction site when a heist goes bad. Logan is sent away to jail for three years. When he finally returns to the site, Logan finds that the area has become the new home of a Los Angeles police department precinct and decides that impersonating a detective may be the only way to retrieve his loot.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Rachel's Phone Number, The

Friends

Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

One with Rachel's Phone Number, The

Friends

Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.

TV-PG

Sunday, Dec 17
12:12 AM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Lip Reader, The

Seinfeld

George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Non-Fat Yogurt, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Denial (DVS)

Search Party

While the gang's distance grows, Dory drops in on Keith's funeral, Drew investigates the threatening flowers left at his work, Portia severs ties with her mother, Elliott endures group therapy at rehab, and Julian realizes Mary may be an imperfect role model.

TV-MA

5:12 AM

Use Your Brain and Make It Rain

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Michael Strahan shows us his hip hop moves, "Claws" star Karrueche Tran does the nails for the rich and famous, Method Man chews up the scenery, and Snoop drops some "pimpin' puzzles." A bodybuilding dancer and a blogging nerd spin the wheels for a chance at $25,000.

TV-14

6:12 AM

Contractual Obligation Implementation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Denial (DVS)

Search Party

While the gang's distance grows, Dory drops in on Keith's funeral, Drew investigates the threatening flowers left at his work, Portia severs ties with her mother, Elliott endures group therapy at rehab, and Julian realizes Mary may be an imperfect role model.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Use Your Brain and Make It Rain

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Michael Strahan shows us his hip hop moves, "Claws" star Karrueche Tran does the nails for the rich and famous, Method Man chews up the scenery, and Snoop drops some "pimpin' puzzles." A bodybuilding dancer and a blogging nerd spin the wheels for a chance at $25,000.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And You Bet Your Ass (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline meets with studio writers in an effort to make her life story into a movie but she is torn when they reveal they would not portray Max in the project. Meanwhile, Max is spoiled by her new Hollywood beau.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Stefania Arrives

Everybody Loves Raymond

Robert gets a surprise visit from the woman he fell in love with when the Barones vacationed in Italy.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Slippery Slope

King of Queens, The

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Operation: Bobcat

New Girl

Valentine's Day finds Jess assuring the gang that she's a perfectly contented single, while Schmidt is in the running for a big promotion and Winston's proposal to Aly gets expedited.

TV-14

1:12 PM

Stefania Arrives

Everybody Loves Raymond

Robert gets a surprise visit from the woman he fell in love with when the Barones vacationed in Italy.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Slippery Slope

King of Queens, The

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Sight Gag

King of Queens, The

Doug's gift to Carrie of corneal surgery results in her temporary blindness.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

True Lies

Marital problems plague an international spy who works for Omega Sector, a top-secret government agency charged with the intervention of nuclear terrorism.

TV-14

5:12 PM

Hulk, The

Scientist Bruce Banner has, to put it mildly, anger management issues. His quiet life as a brilliant researcher working with cutting edge genetic technology conceals a nearly forgotten and painful past. His ex-girlfriend and fellow researcher, Betty Ross, has grown tired of Bruce's cordoned off emotional terrain and resigns herself to remaining an interested onlooker to his quiet life--until a simple oversight in the lab leads to an explosive situation in which Bruce heroically saves a life by absorbing a normally deadly dose of gamma radiation. Believing himself to have emerged from the accident unscathed, Bruce can't deny he's experiencing some strange side effects--including blackouts and the feeling that there is some kind of strange and dark, yet attractive, presence within him. All the while an impossibly strong, rampaging creature, who comes to be known as the Hulk, continues its sporadic appearances, cutting a swath of destruction in his wake. But Betty Ross has her theories, she knows the shadowy figure lurking in the background, Bruce's father David, is somehow connected. She may be the only one who understands the link between the scientist and the Hulk, but her efforts may be too late to save both man and creature.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

True Lies

Marital problems plague an international spy who works for Omega Sector, a top-secret government agency charged with the intervention of nuclear terrorism.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Horrible Bosses 2 (DVS)

Fed up with answering to higher-ups, Nick, Dale and Kurt decide to become their own bosses by launching their own business. But a slick investor soon pulls the rug out from under them. Outplayed and desperate, and without legal recourse, the three would-be entrepreneurs hatch a misguided plan to kidnap the investor's adult son and ransom him to regain control of their company.

TV-14

Monday, Dec 18
12:12 AM

Application Deterioration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard reconsiders entering into a legal partnership with Leonard and Sheldon regarding the patent for the infinite persistence gyroscope. Also, the women offer Raj dating advice after Emily reaches out to him following their breakup.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Big Bear Precipitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon shares a secret about Leonard when the two go on a weekend trip with Penny and Amy; Raj goes all out with pregnancy gifts.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Long Distance Dissonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the Season 10 finale, Sheldon's former admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, turns up while Amy is visiting Princeton, and the gang is extremely concerned.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Application Deterioration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard reconsiders entering into a legal partnership with Leonard and Sheldon regarding the patent for the infinite persistence gyroscope. Also, the women offer Raj dating advice after Emily reaches out to him following their breakup.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Big Bear Precipitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon shares a secret about Leonard when the two go on a weekend trip with Penny and Amy; Raj goes all out with pregnancy gifts.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Long Distance Dissonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the Season 10 finale, Sheldon's former admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, turns up while Amy is visiting Princeton, and the gang is extremely concerned.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Psychosis (DVS)

Search Party

The gang ties up loose ends in their lives before facing the sobering reality that they might all go to jail by midnight, leaving it up to Dory to figure something out.

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Psychosis (DVS)

Search Party

The gang ties up loose ends in their lives before facing the sobering reality that they might all go to jail by midnight, leaving it up to Dory to figure something out.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Bourne Identity, The (DVS)

The spy thriller opens as an amnesiac is rescued at sea by the crew of an Italian fishing boat. Nearly dead, he carries nothing but the bullets in his back and a bank account number embedded in his hip. Although completely without identity or background, he possesses an array of extraordinary talents in fighting, linguistics and self-defense that speaks of a dangerous past. In the present, he is disoriented and wary as he is propelled into an urgent search to discover who he is and why his life has taken a perilous turn. A Zurich safe deposit box yields an assortment of passports, a hefty load of cash, an automatic weapon and a name--Jason Bourne--with a Paris address. What it means remains a mystery, but Bourne quickly realizes that although he knows no one, there are people who recognize him--and do not wish him well. When he meets Marie Kreutz, a hard-luck German-born wanderer, he makes a desperate pitch--$10,000 for a ride to Paris. Despite her reservations, Marie takes the cash and begins a journey with Bourne that changes her life forever. The trail of Jason Bourne's past snakes from Europe to CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia, where Treadstone, a clandestine operation is based. As Bourne and Marie struggle to stay below the radar in France, all of the stealthy muscle of Treadstone is focused on tracking them and neutralizing Bourne as quickly and efficiently as possible.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Rumspringa

New Girl

Nick and Schmidt plan a relaxing day trip for Jess, who is nervous about taking over as principal, but the outing takes a surprise turn. Cece helps Winston try to finalize his divorce from Rhonda, but gets caught in the middle of a series of never-ending pranks involving him and Aly.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Bourne Supremacy, The

Two years ago, Jason Bourne thought he had walked away from his past. But now, his past is about to return. Bourne and Marie have maintained their anonymous, underground existence at the cost of permanence. Fueled by splintered nightmares and haunted by the past he cannot remember, Bourne moves Marie from city to city, trying to remain one step ahead of the threat implicit in every unexplained stranger's glance, every "wrong number" phone call--that at any second, without any warning, he might get pulled back into the world he hopes he left behind. When an operative appears in the sleepy village that has been their latest home, Bourne and Marie collapse their lives and head out. His past at the door, their only chance now is to run. But once a line is crossed and the stakes in a new global game of cat-and-mouse are raised, the Jason Bourne created by Treadstone--the covert, now dismantled operation that spawned cold-blooded, professional assassins--returns. Two years ago, Bourne walked away from the deadly world that created him with a promise of retaliation should anyone attempt contact. Now that that world has indeed come calling, Bourne intends to keep his word. They should have left him alone.

TV-14

11:12 AM

Ride Scare

Married with Children

Al becomes an environmental hero and celebrity.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Rumspringa

New Girl

Nick and Schmidt plan a relaxing day trip for Jess, who is nervous about taking over as principal, but the outing takes a surprise turn. Cece helps Winston try to finalize his divorce from Rhonda, but gets caught in the middle of a series of never-ending pranks involving him and Aly.

TV-14

1:12 PM

One with the Lottery, The

Friends

The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

One with the Donor, The

Friends

Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Crotchwalkers

American Dad

In a desperate attempt to show Steve that she's still a cool mom, Francine teaches him a vast array of shoplifting techniques to try out at the local mall.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Cleveland Brown Christmas, A

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland discovers that Donna has been lying to Rallo as to why Robert never shows up for Christmas...and makes it his mission to reconnect father and son.

TV-14

9:12 PM

Midday Run

Bob's Burgers

When Tina is up for a big hall monitor promotion, she is determined to do whatever it takes to nab the powerful job, so she enlists the help of Gene and Louise. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Linda gets artsy and begins to decorate the walls with customer artwork on napkins.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Independent Movie (DVS)

American Dad

Snot's father dies but Snot refuses to go to the funeral. Steve convinces Snot to take a road trip across the country to attend.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Guy, Robot (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian decides to do stand up comedy, but when his set begins to tank, he starts stealing Stewie's Twitter material.

TV-14

Tuesday, Dec 19
12:12 AM

Peter, Chris, & Brian (DVS)

Family Guy

After learning his childhood home has finally been sold after his mother's death, Peter and the gang plan on breaking in to retrieve Peter's old porn video collection.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Pilling Them Softly (DVS)

Family Guy

After Quagmire shows off his cooking skills to the gang, Lois suggests that he audition for Channel 5's new cooking show.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Saturated Fat Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

After watching a documentary about the dangers of food, Lois decides to change the family's eating habits to a healthier one. Peter tries quinoa for the first time and his body immediately begins to reject it.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Peter, Chris, & Brian (DVS)

Family Guy

After learning his childhood home has finally been sold after his mother's death, Peter and the gang plan on breaking in to retrieve Peter's old porn video collection.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Dating Game, The (DVS)

Family Guy

When the Medieval Castle comes up for auction, Peter and the gang try to purchase it for "castle fun". After putting up a "mystery" paper bag containing nine thousand dollars, they end up losing the auction to Mayor West.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Saturated Fat Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

After watching a documentary about the dangers of food, Lois decides to change the family's eating habits to a healthier one. Peter tries quinoa for the first time and his body immediately begins to reject it.

TV-14

6:12 AM

And the Pity Party Bus (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline signs away the rights to her life story so it can be turned into a movie. Meanwhile, Max is heartbroken when Randy breaks up with her via his therapist, so Caroline rents a party bus in an attempt to cheer her up.

TV-14

7:12 AM

And the Loophole (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls look for a bigger space for their dessert bar, so Han refers them to a realtor who has a crush on him; Max is surprised when Randy wants to mend their relationship.

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the Partnership Hits the Fan (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

A Law firm that's courting Randy for a job invites him and Max to dinner at a hip new restaurant with eclectic cuisine, but the evening veers off course when things don't sit well with Max.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And the Pity Party Bus (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline signs away the rights to her life story so it can be turned into a movie. Meanwhile, Max is heartbroken when Randy breaks up with her via his therapist, so Caroline rents a party bus in an attempt to cheer her up.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Shoeway to Heaven

Married with Children

Al and Jefferson become vintage shoe entrepreneurs.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And the Partnership Hits the Fan (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

A Law firm that's courting Randy for a job invites him and Max to dinner at a hip new restaurant with eclectic cuisine, but the evening veers off course when things don't sit well with Max.

TV-14

12:12 PM

Al Goes Deep

Married with Children

A football star's romance with Kelly jeopardizes Jefferson's lifesaving wager on a big game.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

King Pong

King of Queens, The

After losing to Carrie, Doug asks Arthur to help him improve his pingpong game.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Kelly Breaks Out

Married with Children

An untimely pimple threatens Kelly's acting career.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Label Maker, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The

Friends

In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Dougie Houser

King of Queens, The

Carrie reminds Doug of a past incident when he wants to buy a chainsaw from an infomercial.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The

Friends

Rachel convinces her sister to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Home Study, The

Friends

Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker; Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Ross's Tan, The

Friends

Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Familyland

American Dad

The Smith family goes to Familyland theme park for vacation. Francine wants the family to spend the day together, but the individual members go their separate ways. Francine cries in front of a statue of the park's founder, Roy Family, and awakens Roy from a deep slumber.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses

American Dad

Stan takes Francine on a surprise trip to Sacramento, but Francine is bored. They meet the Naughty Stewardesses, four women who use their status as flight attendants to find love and adventure.

TV-14

11:12 PM

One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.

TV-PG

Wednesday, Dec 20
12:12 AM

Tenure Turbulence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard, Sheldon and Raj fight for tenure at the University.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Proton Resurgence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Scammed Yankees (DVS)

Family Guy

With Lois and her mother Babs out at the spa, Peter is forced to spend the afternoon her father, Carter. The two are quickly sucked into a "promising" online deal involving loaning a large sum of money to a Nigerian prince.

TV-14

3:12 AM

David Arquette vs. Brian Tyree Henry and Jesse Tyler Ferguson vs. Chrissy Metz

Drop the Mic

Actor David Arquette puts his rap skills to the test against Atlanta's own Paper Boi, Brian Tyree Henry, while Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson raps for the very first time in a battle against This Is Us breakout star, Chrissy Metz.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Proton Resurgence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

6:12 AM

Replacements, The (DVS)

Shane "Footsteps" Falco is a disillusioned football player who believes his dreams have all but dissipated. Once a red-hot All American prospect, Shane now regrets ever believing that the NFL would draft him. However, fate takes a strange twist for Shane when during the 1997 NFL season, a player's strike leaves the fields (and stadiums) empty, leaving team owners scrambling to fill uniforms as fast as possible. When the Washington Sentinels bring back the contentious and self-retired head coach Jimmy McGinty to seek out players who will play with their hearts rather than their wallets, he picks Shane to lead his mismatched crew of outsiders through the strike. To everyone's surprise, the ragtag team goes on an unprecedented winning streak as they discover in themselves the ability to hope for more than they ever thought possible maybe even the playoffs, which has been denied to the Sentinels for seven years.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 81099

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: Keegan-Michael Key

TV-14

9:12 AM

Sleepless in Chicago

Married with Children

Al must sleep with Marcy so that Jefferson can cash in her valuable Barbie doll.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Dud Bowl

Married with Children

Al reunites his old high school football team to play the championship game that never was.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

I Want My Psycho Dad Part 1

Married with Children

Al protests the cancellation of his favorite TV show.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Naked and the Dead, but Mostly the Naked, The

Married with Children

Al and his friends are forced to take their wives to a strip club.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Dud Bowl

Married with Children

Al reunites his old high school football team to play the championship game that never was.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Net Prophets

King of Queens, The

Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Beard, The

Seinfeld

Elaine tries to change a gay man; George and his date have similar problems.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One Where the Stripper Cries, The

Friends

Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.

TV-14

5:12 PM

One Where Joey Speaks French, The

Friends

Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One Where Estelle Dies, The

Friends

Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer. Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Last One Part 1, The

Friends

The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Pilot

Friends

Six friends in their twenties pursue careers, love and happiness in New York City while relying on each other for support.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One Where Estelle Dies, The

Friends

Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer. Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

She Swill Survive (DVS)

American Dad

Stan is tired of Hayley being lazy and unemployed, so he forces her to take a job in Roger's bar. Deputy Director Bullock is a regular at the bar, and he confesses his secrets to Hayley.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Underage Peter (DVS)

Family Guy

A drunk Peter drinks water from a fire hydrant; but when the water overflows, Peter ends up destroying the public library. As a result of Peter's drunken hijinks, Major Adam West raises the legal drinking age to fifty.

TV-14

Thursday, Dec 21
12:12 AM

Deception Verification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Raiders Minimization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Underage Peter (DVS)

Family Guy

A drunk Peter drinks water from a fire hydrant; but when the water overflows, Peter ends up destroying the public library. As a result of Peter's drunken hijinks, Major Adam West raises the legal drinking age to fifty.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Deception Verification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Raiders Minimization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Romance Resonance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon makes a major scientific breakthrough, but he feels it may haunt him for the rest of career. Meanwhile, Howard makes a grand romantic gesture to Bernadette, which causes Penny to put more effort into her relationship with Leonard.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

December 20, 2017

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Tank, The

Detour, The

The Parkers are barely back on the road when Nate gets pulled over for driving under the influence. He's completely sober but somehow there's still some jail time involved.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Episode 81100

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: President Bill Clinton, Jack Whitehall

TV-14

9:12 AM

25 Years and What Do You Get?

Married with Children

Al and Peggy plans and good intentions or their 25th wedding anniversary are upset.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Ship Happens Part 2

Married with Children

After the sinking of their cruise ship, the Bundys and D'Arcys are left to fend for themselves at sea.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

And Bingo Was Her Game-O

Married with Children

Peggy is invited to play in a big bingo tournament; Al and his friends set out to choose No Ma'am's new official beer.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

25 Years and What Do You Get?

Married with Children

Al and Peggy plans and good intentions or their 25th wedding anniversary are upset.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Better Camera

King of Queens, The

Doug surprises Carrie with a new camera for Christmas.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Mentalo Case

King of Queens, The

Doug recalls his childhood toy Mentalo; Arthur sends Holly to find the perfect gift for his daughter.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Doodle, The

Seinfeld

Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Sonogram, The

Friends

Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Doodle, The

Seinfeld

Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Sonogram, The

Friends

Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Permanent Record Wrecker (DVS)

American Dad

Stan is laid off from work and has to search for a job for the first time in over twenty years. When he applies for jobs, Stan learns that his permanent record has been wiped clean of his C.I.A. experience and no one wants to hire him.

TV-14

10:12 PM

Longest Distance Relationship, The

American Dad

Hayley is injured in a fire and while she is in the hospital she meets Millionaire Matt Davis. As Hayley and Matt fall in love, Steve discovers Jeff Fischer is still alive in outer space. Jeff and Hayley communicate via an old CB radio and Jeff asks Hayley to stay true to him while he finds a way back to Earth.

TV-14

11:12 PM

Heartbreak Dog, The (DVS)

Family Guy

During a birthday party for Bonnie at the Swanson's, Brian spots Bonnie sitting alone in her bedroom looking very sad. She opens up to Brian, telling him that she feels like she's wasted much of her adult life taking care of Joe.

TV-14

Friday, Dec 22
12:12 AM

Understudy, The

Seinfeld

George is suspected of injuring Bette Midler in a softball game.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Longest Distance Relationship, The

American Dad

Hayley is injured in a fire and while she is in the hospital she meets Millionaire Matt Davis. As Hayley and Matt fall in love, Steve discovers Jeff Fischer is still alive in outer space. Jeff and Hayley communicate via an old CB radio and Jeff asks Hayley to stay true to him while he finds a way back to Earth.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Heartbreak Dog, The (DVS)

Family Guy

During a birthday party for Bonnie at the Swanson's, Brian spots Bonnie sitting alone in her bedroom looking very sad. She opens up to Brian, telling him that she feels like she's wasted much of her adult life taking care of Joe.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Cooper Extraction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

With Sheldon in Texas, the gang gathers to decorate for Christmas, and they contemplate if each would have had a wonderful life had they never met him.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Highlights of a Hundred Part 2

Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Thanksgiving Decoupling, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard's mother has a say when he and Bernadette host Thanksgiving dinner for the gang.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Project X

Three high school seniors attempt to make a name for themselves by throwing one unforgettable house party. As word spread, the party takes on a life of its own and before the night is over, dreams are ruined, records are blemished and legends are born.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Episode 81101

Conan

Live from the Apollo in NYC: The Cast of Daddy's Home 2 starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, John Lithgow, and comedian Jon Dore

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the Big Gamble (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

In the season 5 finale, Max and Caroline learn Han is in trouble with a gang when he can't pay a substantial debt he amassed from gambling on women's tennis.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Project X

Three high school seniors attempt to make a name for themselves by throwing one unforgettable house party. As word spread, the party takes on a life of its own and before the night is over, dreams are ruined, records are blemished and legends are born.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

Married with Children

When Bud decides to move out, Peggy's mother arrives to stay.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

It's a Bundyful Life Part 1

Married with Children

Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Christmas

Married with Children

Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Santa Claustrophobia

King of Queens, The

Carrie drives Doug crazy when she takes a part-time job at IPS during the holiday season; Arthur tries to bring everyone together for a Christmas portrait.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

It's a Bundyful Life Part 1

Married with Children

Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Christmas

Married with Children

Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Dad, The

Friends

Phoebe learns the surprising truth about her father. Ross makes Monica's Christmas party guests miserable.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie, The

Friends

Ross struggles to maintain a long-distance relationship. Chandler tries to get a date for Rachel. Monica schemes to establish authority at her new restaurant job.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Holiday Armadillo, The

Friends

Ross teaches Ben about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Ross' Step Forward, The

Friends

Ross' new girlfriend orders Christmas cards with a photo of them on the cover.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with the Routine, The

Friends

Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine. Ross and Monica resurrect their dorky high school dance routine for a television special.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Andrea Doria, The

Seinfeld

George wants a better apartment; Jerry learns Newman is hiding mail.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Die Semi-Hard

Cleveland Show, The

As Christmas approaches, Cleveland tells the family his version of the original "Die Hard."

TV-14

Saturday, Dec 23
12:12 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Santa Simulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Clean Room Infiltration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On Christmas Eve, Amy plans a traditional Victorian dinner, while Raj, Leonard and Howard scramble to remove a pigeon that flew into the clean room at the university.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Santa Simulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Clean Room Infiltration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On Christmas Eve, Amy plans a traditional Victorian dinner, while Raj, Leonard and Howard scramble to remove a pigeon that flew into the clean room at the university.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Special (DVS)

Surprise! Instant Xmas Carol!

Celebrity carolers from across the entertainment spectrum hit the road in search of people who look like they could use a little extra holiday cheer. They then surprise their listeners with their own unique renditions of a classic Christmas carol; some good, some bad and some...well, you know. The result is a holiday special packed with unforgettable songs performed in often wild and unpredictable situations.

TV-14

7:12 AM

David Arquette vs. Brian Tyree Henry and Jesse Tyler Ferguson vs. Chrissy Metz

Drop the Mic

Actor David Arquette puts his rap skills to the test against Atlanta's own Paper Boi, Brian Tyree Henry, while Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson raps for the very first time in a battle against This Is Us breakout star, Chrissy Metz.

TV-14

8:12 AM

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Archaeologist and explorer extraordinaire, Lara Croft, journeys to a temple which has sunken underwater in search of lost treasures. During her expedition, Croft happens upon a sphere that contains the mythical Pandora's Box, only to have it stolen from her by Chen Lo, the leader of a Chinese crime syndicate. Chen Lo is in league with a bad guy named Reiss, who wants to use the priceless Box as a doomsday weapon.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Tron: Legacy (DVS)

Sam Flynn, a rebellious 27-year-old, is haunted by the mysterious disappearance of his father Kevin Flynn, a man once known as the world's leading video-game developer. When Sam investigates a strange signal sent from the old Flynn's Arcade, a signal that could only come from his father, he finds himself pulled into a digital world where Kevin has been trapped for 20 years. With the help of the fearless warrior Quorra, father and son embark on a life and-death journey across a cyber universe created by Kevin himself that has become far more advanced with never-before-imagined vehicles, weapons, landscapes and a ruthless villain who will stop at nothing to prevent their escape.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Worst Noel, The

Married with Children

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

God Help Ye Merry Bundymen

Married with Children

As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Just Like Heaven

When David sublets his quaint San Francisco apartment, the last thing he expects--or wants--is a roommate. He begins to make a complete mess of the place when a pretty young woman, named Elizabeth, suddenly shows up, adamantly insisting the apartment is hers. David assumes that there's been a giant misunderstanding, until Elizabeth disappears just as mysteriously as she had appeared. Changing the locks does nothing to deter Elizabeth, who begins to appear and disappear at will--mostly to rebuke David for his personal living habits in her apartment. Convinced that she is a ghost, David tries to help Elizabeth cross over to the "other side." But while Elizabeth has discovered she does have a distinctly ethereal quality--she can walk through walls--she is equally convinced that she is somehow still alive and isn't crossing over anywhere. As Elizabeth and David search for the truth about who Elizabeth is and how she came to be in her present state, their relationship deepens into love. Unfortunately, they have very little time before their prospects for a future together permanently fade away.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Worst Noel, The

Married with Children

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

God Help Ye Merry Bundymen

Married with Children

As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Just Like Heaven

When David sublets his quaint San Francisco apartment, the last thing he expects--or wants--is a roommate. He begins to make a complete mess of the place when a pretty young woman, named Elizabeth, suddenly shows up, adamantly insisting the apartment is hers. David assumes that there's been a giant misunderstanding, until Elizabeth disappears just as mysteriously as she had appeared. Changing the locks does nothing to deter Elizabeth, who begins to appear and disappear at will--mostly to rebuke David for his personal living habits in her apartment. Convinced that she is a ghost, David tries to help Elizabeth cross over to the "other side." But while Elizabeth has discovered she does have a distinctly ethereal quality--she can walk through walls--she is equally convinced that she is somehow still alive and isn't crossing over anywhere. As Elizabeth and David search for the truth about who Elizabeth is and how she came to be in her present state, their relationship deepens into love. Unfortunately, they have very little time before their prospects for a future together permanently fade away.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Never Been Kissed

A copy editor in her early twenties gets her chance to become a reporter at a Chicago daily. Her first assignment consists of a feature on what cool high school students are doing. In order to uncover the life of the hip high schoolers, she must go undercover as a student herself. Meanwhile, her slacker brother decides to go back to the same high school in hopes of getting a second chance at being noticed by major-league baseball scouts.

TV-14

6:12 PM

Hot Pursuit

Strait-laced Officer Cooper is honored and thrilled to be assigned the seemingly simple task of escorting mob wife Daniella Riva across Texas, where she and her husband will testify against a major drug lord. It's a rare day out of the property room, and the intensely enthusiastic petite policewoman vows not to let her captain down. Having already earned the unfortunate distinction of prompting her own verb within the precinct, she is determined not to Cooper it this time. However, upon meeting the dynamic Mrs. Riva-a curvaceous Colombian beauty with opinions as strong as her accent-it's clear this will be no walk in the park.

TV-14

7:12 PM

One Where Rachel Quits, The

Friends

Rachel wonders if she'll ever get another job after she quits Central Perk. Joey's new job selling Christmas trees upsets Phoebe. Ross breaks a little girl's leg.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with the Inappropriate Sister, The

Friends

A bored Ross creates havoc in Joey and Chandler's lives. Rachel is disturbed by her date's inappropriate relationship with his sister.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

One Where Rachel Quits, The

Friends

Rachel wonders if she'll ever get another job after she quits Central Perk. Joey's new job selling Christmas trees upsets Phoebe. Ross breaks a little girl's leg.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

Sunday, Dec 24
12:12 AM

One with All the Candy, The

Friends

Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

One with Christmas in Tulsa, The

Friends

Monica fears the worst when she learns Chandler will be spending Christmas in Tulsa working on a deadline with a beautiful co-worker.

TV-PG

2:12 AM

Pick, The

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Gum, The

Seinfeld

Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Hesitation Ramification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny turns to Leonard for comfort after her guest appearance on NCIS does not turn out well. She ends up putting Leonard on the spot regarding their relationship. Sheldon works on his sense of humor and Raj practices talking to girls.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Convention Conundrum, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Unable to score tickets for Comic-Con, Sheldon decides to stage his own comic-book convention, while the ladies attempt to act like grown ups.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Table Polarization, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard's purchase of a dining-room table for the apartment doesn't sit well with Sheldon, so much so that it forces him to reevaluate his life. Meanwhile, Bernadette isn't quite over the moon about Howard taking another trip to space.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Frenzy (DVS)

Search Party

The gang must get sixty thousand dollars to their blackmailer, leading to a day of cat food tins, mistaken identities, and tasers. On the other side of town, Joy follows Fat Franky, which does not end as anticipated.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Game for Playas, The

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Snoop gets deep and asks us which celebrity is a "crazy-eyed mofo." A math teacher and a personal trainer spin the wheels for a chance to win $25,000.

TV-14

9:12 AM

And the High Holidays (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Desperate for a way to pay their overdue rent, Max and Caroline get involved with a group of sketchy customers willing to pay top dollar for their cupcakes.

TV-14

10:12 AM

Christmas Present

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray buys an elaborate Christmas gift for Debra.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Net Prophets

King of Queens, The

Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

All I Want for Christmas

Everybody Loves Raymond

A romantic Christmas morning ends when Ray's family bursts in for eggs Florentine and unwrapping gifts.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Christmas Present

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray buys an elaborate Christmas gift for Debra.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

One with Phoebe's Dad, The

Friends

Phoebe learns the surprising truth about her father. Ross makes Monica's Christmas party guests miserable.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Holiday Armadillo, The

Friends

Ross teaches Ben about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Kicking & Screaming

Phil Weston is an average Joe who's had to put up all his life with his overly competitive father, Buck. When Phil decides to coach his 10-year-old son's soccer team, he goes head-to-head for the league championship against Buck, who coaches his own young son on the preeminent team of the league. Old scores come into play as Phil and Buck find themselves going to extreme measures to win the championship trophy.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat

Conrad and Sally Walden (Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning) are home alone with their pet fish. It is raining outside, and there is nothing to do. Until "The Cat in the Hat" (Mike Myers) walks in the front door. He introduces them to their imagination, and at first it's all fun and games, until things get out of hand, and The Cat must go, go, go, before their parents get back.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night, and when they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum "family," Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits, travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Kicking & Screaming

Phil Weston is an average Joe who's had to put up all his life with his overly competitive father, Buck. When Phil decides to coach his 10-year-old son's soccer team, he goes head-to-head for the league championship against Buck, who coaches his own young son on the preeminent team of the league. Old scores come into play as Phil and Buck find themselves going to extreme measures to win the championship trophy.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Pacifier, The (DVS)

Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (DVS)

The exhibits at New York's Natural History Museum come to life at night, and when they start behaving strangely, Larry, newly-promoted director of nighttime operations, must find out why. The Tablet, which magically brings the creatures to life, has started to decay and the only method of restoring is available at the British Museum. In order to save his museum "family," Larry, his son Nick and the museum exhibits, travel from New York to London, to discover the Tablet's secret.

TV-PG

Monday, Dec 25
12:12 AM

Special (DVS)

Surprise! Instant Xmas Carol!

Celebrity carolers from across the entertainment spectrum hit the road in search of people who look like they could use a little extra holiday cheer. They then surprise their listeners with their own unique renditions of a classic Christmas carol; some good, some bad and some...well, you know. The result is a holiday special packed with unforgettable songs performed in often wild and unpredictable situations.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Pacifier, The (DVS)

Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Special (DVS)

Surprise! Instant Xmas Carol!

Celebrity carolers from across the entertainment spectrum hit the road in search of people who look like they could use a little extra holiday cheer. They then surprise their listeners with their own unique renditions of a classic Christmas carol; some good, some bad and some...well, you know. The result is a holiday special packed with unforgettable songs performed in often wild and unpredictable situations.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

6:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

7:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

8:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

9:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Dec 26
12:12 AM

Christmas Story, A (DVS)

In the 1940's, in the town of Hammond, 9-year-old Ralphie wants one thing for Christmas -- an official Red Ryder BB rifle. When he asks his mother for the BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". When he writes an essay about it at school his teacher gives him a C+ with a note saying "You'll shoot your eye out." Next he asks Santa for the gun, Santa's response is familiar, he says, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Ralph fears that he'll never get the BB gun for Christmas. But there may be a surprise in store for him.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas, A (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter accidentally gives away all the Christmas presents; Brian burns Lois' dinner.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Christmas Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

The Griffins visit the Quahog Mall for the Christmas Carnival only to find that it has been canceled. Upset, Stewie begins to act out.

TV-14

3:12 AM

Pig Head

Tarantula

Echo reckons with his past.

TV-MA

4:12 AM

Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas, A (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter accidentally gives away all the Christmas presents; Brian burns Lois' dinner.

TV-14

5:12 AM

Episode 71061

Conan

Guests: Bob Newhart, Tom Segura, Sheryl Crow

TV-14

6:12 AM

And the Very Christmas Thanksgiving (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

It's Caroline's first broke holiday season and, to earn extra money, she and Max apply to work as elves at a department store's Santaland.

TV-14

7:12 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

8:12 AM

And the Two Openings: Part 2 (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Part 2 of 2. Sophie goes into labor just before the Dessert Bar's grand opening and demands that Max and Caroline be present for the birth. Meanwhile, the girls run into problems when they don't secure a liquor license for their new venue.

TV-14

9:12 AM

Shoe Room with a View, A

Married with Children

Al arranges for an aerobics studio to open next to the shoe store.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

11:12 AM

And the Two Openings: Part 2 (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Part 2 of 2. Sophie goes into labor just before the Dessert Bar's grand opening and demands that Max and Caroline be present for the birth. Meanwhile, the girls run into problems when they don't secure a liquor license for their new venue.

TV-14

12:12 PM

Shoe Room with a View, A

Married with Children

Al arranges for an aerobics studio to open next to the shoe store.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Doug Less Part 1

King of Queens, The

Newly slim Doug surprises Carrie with a romantic getaway to a resort in the mountain; romance turns to anger when Carrie discovers that Doug was at the same resort with an old girlfriend.

TV-PG

2:12 PM

Weaker Sex, The

Married with Children

Al suffers public scorn when Peggy is declared a hero for taking out a pickpocket.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Blonde and Blonder

Married with Children

Kelly's class reunion becomes the scene for an ex-nerd's revenge.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

One with the Boobies, The

Friends

Chandler sees Rachel nude. Joey learns his father is having an affair.

TV-PG

5:12 PM

One with Two Parts Part 1, The

Friends

Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One with All the Poker, The

Friends

The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

Wait Out, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends (Cary Elwes, Debra Messing).

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One with Two Parts Part 1, The

Friends

Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One with All the Poker, The

Friends

The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

One with the Evil Orthodontist, The

Friends

Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fiance. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.

TV-14

11:12 PM

New Adventures of Old Tom, The (DVS)

Family Guy

After Peter gets stuck overnight on the kiddie train at the Quahog Mall, he becomes jealous when Lois fawns over the handsome new Channel 5 reporter, Dallas Portland, who interviews him.

TV-14

Wednesday, Dec 27
12:12 AM

Roger Passes the Bar

American Dad

Roger pushes himself to the breaking point by working non-stop at his dive bar. When he suffers a heart attack, Roger decides to sell the bar to a company that promises to continue his vision. Upon returning to visit, Roger sees that the dive bar has been completely remade as a family friendly restaurant.

TV-14

1:12 AM

Blonde Ambition

American Dad

When her efforts to save the planet prove hopeless, Hayley decides that she might get more attention if she becomes a blonde. Meanwhile, Stan and Steve go on a mission to find a new home for the Smiths.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Proton Transmogrification, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A grief-stricken Sheldon receives counseling from his childhood TV idol, Professor Proton, while Penny and Leonard reach a relationship milestone and turn it into a competition and Bernadette and Amy turn Star Wars Day into a special event for the guys.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Pentatonix vs. Bell Biv Devoe and Padma Lakshmi vs. Randy Jackson

Drop the Mic

It's a showdown of harmony when Grammy winners Pentatonix lyrically battle '90s pioneers Bell Biv Devoe, and we find out which host has the hottest bars between Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi and American Idol's Randy Jackson.

TV-14

4:12 AM

Relationship Diremption, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Raj and Howard double-date and the latter is flushed with embarrassment after Raj's girlfriend reveals a secret she knows about Howard. Meanwhile, Sheldon is at loose ends when he begins to believe he's wasted his life trying to prove string theory.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Episode 71082

Conan

Guests: Diego Luna, Aisha Tyler, Moses Storm

TV-14

6:12 AM

Pentatonix vs. Bell Biv Devoe and Padma Lakshmi vs. Randy Jackson

Drop the Mic

It's a showdown of harmony when Grammy winners Pentatonix lyrically battle '90s pioneers Bell Biv Devoe, and we find out which host has the hottest bars between Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi and American Idol's Randy Jackson.

TV-14

7:12 AM

Episode 71082

Conan

Guests: Diego Luna, Aisha Tyler, Moses Storm

TV-14

8:12 AM

Episode 71082

Conan

Guests: Diego Luna, Aisha Tyler, Moses Storm

TV-14

9:12 AM

Bearly Men

Married with Children

Al must prove himself a man so his father-in-law will take Peggy's mom back home.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Hood, the Bud and the Kelly Part 1, The

Married with Children

To keep Kelly as a client, Bud sets out to produce a sexy exercise video.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Calendar Girl

Married with Children

Al uses Bud's class project to beat out a rival shoe store owner.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Spring Break Part 1

Married with Children

As Kelly and her friends trick Bud's fraternity out of their spring break in Florida, Al and Griff join Jefferson in Fort Lauderdale to judge a college co-ed beauty contest.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Secret Garden

King of Queens, The

Carrie's relationship with her gynecologist (Judge Reinhold) is in jeopardy when Doug's cousin charges the doctor more than he quoted for landscaping work.

TV-14

2:12 PM

American Idle

King of Queens, The

Doug gets annoyed when Carrie loses her job and refuses to look for a new one.

TV-PG

3:12 PM

Wink, The

Seinfeld

An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.

TV-PG

4:12 PM

Secret Garden

King of Queens, The

Carrie's relationship with her gynecologist (Judge Reinhold) is in jeopardy when Doug's cousin charges the doctor more than he quoted for landscaping work.

TV-14

5:12 PM

American Idle

King of Queens, The

Doug gets annoyed when Carrie loses her job and refuses to look for a new one.

TV-PG

6:12 PM

One Where Heckles Dies, The

Friends

The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.

TV-PG

7:12 PM

One with the Birth, The

Friends

When Carol gives birth, Ross and Susan almost miss the event. Joey befriends an unmarried pregnant woman.

TV-PG

8:12 PM

One Where Ross Finds Out, The

Friends

Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.

TV-PG

9:12 PM

One Where Heckles Dies, The

Friends

The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.

TV-PG

10:12 PM

Foundation, The

Seinfeld

George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive.

TV-PG

11:12 PM

Brown Magic

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland and Rallo's "ventriloquist" act is a big hit - until Rallo tires of Cleveland taking all the credit for its success.

TV-14

Thursday, Dec 28
12:12 AM

Status Quo Combustion, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon gets caught up in all the life-altering changes going on around him and considers a monumental move.

TV-PG

1:12 AM

Now and Gwen (DVS)

American Dad

When Francine's sister Gwen comes to town, Hayley suspects she is up to no good. Meanwhile, Stan teaches Steve the art of hugging Aunt Gwen and Klaus shadows Roger's dramatic comments.

TV-14

2:12 AM

Hook-Up Reverberation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Raj's girlfriend, Emily, gives Penny the cold shoulder after he reveals some info about their past history; and the guys contemplate buying into Stuart's comic-book emporium.

TV-PG

3:12 AM

Status Quo Combustion, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon gets caught up in all the life-altering changes going on around him and considers a monumental move.

TV-PG

4:12 AM

Junior Professor Solution, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is ordered to teach a class, and the gang is surprised when Howard signs up to take it; and tensions between Penny and Bernadette afford Amy an opportunity to play one against the other.

TV-PG

5:12 AM

Episode 71084

Conan

Guests: Andy Samberg, Jay Oakerson, J. Roddy Walston and the Business

TV-14

6:12 AM

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

TV-MA

7:12 AM

Drop, The

Detour, The

Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by government goons.

TV-MA

8:12 AM

Episode 71084

Conan

Guests: Andy Samberg, Jay Oakerson, J. Roddy Walston and the Business

TV-14

9:12 AM

Al Goes to the Dogs

Married with Children

Al and Marcy clash over a doghouse for Lucky.

TV-PG

10:12 AM

Bud Hits the Books

Married with Children

Bud's unauthorized use of the library threatens his graduation.

TV-PG

11:12 AM

Torch Song Duet

Married with Children

Al helps Griff win a pair of tickets to the Olympic Games.

TV-PG

12:12 PM

Twisted

Married with Children

A killer storm strikes, leaving the Bundys and D'Arcys sharing a basement shelter.

TV-PG

1:12 PM

Children of the Corns

Married with Children

Al and Griff try to blackmail their sweatshop-owning boss for a raise.

TV-PG