DVS Offerings

Monday, Feb 24
2:02 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Ted (DVS)

John Bennett is a grown man whose simple childhood wish brought his cherished teddy bear to life. Almost 30 years later, the fairy tale is very much over. Ted is reluctant to leave John's side to the increasing annoyance of John's only-so-patient girlfriend, Lori Collins. Though Lori's displeasure with John is exacerbated by his dead-end career and days spent smoking weed and drinking beers with Ted, she's not the one who is the most frustrated with him. As John struggles to figure out a way to navigate this thing called adulthood, it will take the unexpected help of his boyhood toy to make the leap from man-child to a grown-ass man.

TV-14

4:02 AM

American Reunion (DVS)

The characters we met a little more than a decade ago return for their high school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn't and that time and distance can't break the bonds of friendship. It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler's Mom. And Stifler remains the same as he ever was. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about- and get inspired by-the hormonal teens they were.

TV-14

5:02 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

6:02 AM

This Is 40 (DVS)

Pete and Debbie are approaching a milestone meltdown. After years of marriage, Pete lives in a house of all females: wife Debbie and their two daughters, 8-year-old Charlotte and 13-year-old Sadie. As he struggles to keep his record label afloat, he and Debbie must figure out how to forgive, forget and enjoy the rest of their lives before they kill each other.

TV-14

7:02 AM

American Reunion (DVS)

The characters we met a little more than a decade ago return for their high school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn't and that time and distance can't break the bonds of friendship. It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler's Mom. And Stifler remains the same as he ever was. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about- and get inspired by-the hormonal teens they were.

TV-14

9:02 AM

This Is 40 (DVS)

Pete and Debbie are approaching a milestone meltdown. After years of marriage, Pete lives in a house of all females: wife Debbie and their two daughters, 8-year-old Charlotte and 13-year-old Sadie. As he struggles to keep his record label afloat, he and Debbie must figure out how to forgive, forget and enjoy the rest of their lives before they kill each other.

TV-14

6:02 PM

One Where Phoebe Runs, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler learns how obsessively neat Monica is when he attempts to do her a favor. Joey desperately tries not to flirt with his sexy new roommate.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with Ross' Denial, The (DVS)

Friends

Despite Phoebe's admonitions, Ross makes a drastic decision about Rachel. Chandler and Monica bicker over their living arrangements.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with Joey's Porsche, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel forces Ross to terminate their marriage. Phoebe's first triplet baby-sitting experience proves stressful. Joey pretends to own a sports car.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One Where Phoebe Runs, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler learns how obsessively neat Monica is when he attempts to do her a favor. Joey desperately tries not to flirt with his sexy new roommate.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One Where Ross Got High, The (DVS)

Friends

On Thanksgiving, Chandler tries to gain favor with Monica's parents but an old secret involving Ross causes problems. Undomestic Rachel's dessert proves intriguing.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with the Apothecary Table, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey finally dates Janine but she doesn't like his friends. Rachel worries Phoebe won't appreciate the way she furnishes their apartment.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Feb 25
12:02 AM

Lindapendent Woman (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

Linda thinks Bob doesn't appreciate her and quits the restaurant to work at a grocery store. In her absence, Bob tries - and fails - to run the place on his own and the kids are stuck in the middle of the marital mayhem. Meanwhile, things get romantic for Tina when she meets her potential soul mate while restocking the milk fridge.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Total Recall (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter discovers that he's anything but irreplaceable when Lois begins hanging out with his friends; Stewie and Brian embark on a mission to reunite Stewie with his teddy bear.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Farmer Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

When a crime spree sweeps through Quahog, the Griffins move to the safety of a farm, where they're forced to open a meth lab to make ends meet.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Roads to Vegas (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian and Stewie go to Vegas, but chaos erupts when a glitch in Stewie's new teleportation machine creates a duplicate Brian and Stewie.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Vestigial Peter (DVS)

Family Guy

Fed up with Peter's old, tattered, shirt, Lois takes him to the mall to buy a new outfit for church. When Peter struggles with the top button, they notice a large lump on his neck. Alarmed, they rush to the hospital where Dr. Hartman guesses that it's an incomplete vestigial twin.

TV-14

5:02 AM

Fistful of Meg, A (DVS)

Family Guy

A new kid arrives at James Woods High and quickly earns the nickname "Mental Mike" for his aggressive and violent reputation.

TV-14

6:02 AM

Eight Fires (DVS)

American Dad

Roger helps Francine with her terrible cooking by bringing her to a remote Patagonian island. Stan gets a nail in his head and can't speak.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Temporary Distraction (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When the girls take office temp jobs, Caroline tries to climb the corporate ladder and Max finds herself being hit on by the boss.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the Extra Work (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are invited to be extras on a popular TV show shooting a scene in Han's diner, but when Caroline catches the director's eye, he offers her an actual role with strings attached.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Stranded, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Heart Attack, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George thinks he's having a heart attack.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One with Rachel's Sister Part 1, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel tries to help her pampered younger sister, Jill, find independence but Jill flirting with Ross is not part of the plan. Monica won't admit that she is sick.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One That Could Have Been Part 1, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends fantasize Rachel and Ross are in respective loveless marriages. Monica is an overweight virgin. Poor Chandler works for television star Joey, and Phoebe is an overstressed stockbroker.

TV-14

8:02 PM

One with Unagi, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler gets into trouble with his homemade gift for Monica. Ross tries to teach martial arts to Rachel and Phoebe. Joey hires a look-alike.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with Joey's Fridge, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross worries when his student/girlfriend goes on vacation with her wild friends. Meanwhile, Joey's refrigerator breaks down.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross is nervous about meeting Paul, Elizabeth's dad, and invites the gang to the coffeehouse for moral support.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with the Ring, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe helps Chandler pick out an engagement ring for Monica.

TV-PG

Wednesday, Feb 26
12:02 AM

Blonde Ambition (DVS)

American Dad

When her efforts to save the planet prove hopeless, Hayley decides that she might get more attention if she becomes a blonde. Meanwhile, Stan and Steve go on a mission to find a new home for the Smiths.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Cock of the Sleepwalk (DVS)

American Dad

Stan celebrates his one hundredth kill for the C.I.A and says his success as an assassin comes from him not having a conscience. The night of the celebration, Stan sleepwalks and performs good deeds for his family. Upon waking up, Stan is shocked to learn that his conscience is taking control of his body.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Peter's Got Woods (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian's new relationship with Meg's teacher puts a strain on his friendship with Peter, so Peter finds a new friend, James Woods.

TV-PG

3:02 AM

Planetarium Collision, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy doesn't have time to work on super-asymmetry, so Sheldon goes to great lengths to ensure she's available to work with him even if it means accidentally sabotaging her career in the process. Raj doesn't want Howard to join him in hosting a show at the planetarium.

TV-PG

4:02 AM

Grant Allocation Derivation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard is caught between a rock and a hard place when he's responsible for distributing extra grant money. Bernadette turns the backyard playhouse into a hideaway from her husband and kids.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Citation Negation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon and Amy are devastated after learning from a Russian paper that Super Asymmetry has already been discovered and disproven. Ultra-competitive Bernadette asks Stuart's girlfriend, Denise, to teach her how to beat Howard in a popular videogame.

TV-PG

6:02 AM

Holiday (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Prince Chauncley struggle to deal with their families over the holidays.

TV-14

7:02 AM

Holiday (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Prince Chauncley struggle to deal with their families over the holidays.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Tip Slip (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline's father, Martin Channing, asks Caroline to go on a talk show to defend him when a former employee threatens to defame him in a tell-all book.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the Soft Opening (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Business is booming at Max & Caroline's new cupcake walk-up after word spreads about a shocking incident involving a rock star.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Deal, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Truth, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

A woman wants to know why George doesn't want to see her.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One with the Proposal Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with Rachel's Book, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica is outraged to find out what her parents did with her wedding fund. Joey discovers Rachel's late-night reading material.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with Rachel's Assistant, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel is in a quandary when a sexy but unqualified man applies to be her assistant. Chandler, Monica and Ross tell embarrassing secrets about one another.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Nap Partners, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid of honor but Monica doesn't want to make the decision. Chandler tries to apologize to a girlfriend from his youth.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler's irrational fear causes problems when Phoebe brings home a cute dog. Rachel's assistant gives her a Thanksgiving surprise.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with the Holiday Armadillo, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross teaches Ben about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .

TV-PG

Thursday, Feb 27
12:02 AM

I Ain't No Holodeck Boy (DVS)

American Dad

Stan thinks that Steve and his friends spend too much time indoors playing video games. He wishes that the boys would go outside and have the kind of adventures in the woods that he had as a child. When Stan learns that the C.I.A. has a hologram deck that can simulate real environments, he drugs the boys and places them inside, making them think they have been left in the woods.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Honey, I'm Homeland (DVS)

American Dad

Stan goes undercover at an Occupy Wall Street rally and gets kidnapped by a group of radical leftists. The liberals subject Stan to horrific torture to re-educate him, but Stan escapes. After Stan returns home, Hayley notices Stan's odd behavior and fears that he may have been brainwashed.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Untitled Griffin Family History (DVS)

Family Guy

The Griffins get robbed; Peter narrates a chain of events in world history that explains the Griffin name.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Engagement Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Skank Reflex Analysis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.

TV-14

5:02 AM

Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!

TV-PG

6:02 AM

Wiggly Finger Catalyst, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Raj is upset he's the only one of the four guys who's not in a relationship, Penny sets out to find the perfect date, introducing him to Emily, a girl he can actually talk to!

TV-PG

7:02 AM

No Sugar, Tons of Spice (DVS)

Hot Ones: The Game Show

In this battle of the sexes, two teams duke it out against the catastrophic concoctions from Chef Willie. One will extinguish the fire and take home $25,000 while the other goes down in flames! And it all goes down in the Pepperdome!

TV-14

9:02 AM

And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Max becomes smitten with an old stray cat that's been hanging around the apartment, Caroline tries to convince her they need to find it a better home. But just when they think they've found one, the cat's fate takes a turn.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Girlfriend Experience (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Han asks Max and Caroline to convince a stripper to pretend to be his girlfriend when his mother visits from Korea.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the Pastry Porn (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max applies to the Manhattan School of Pastry and bakes a tart for the entrance exam.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Parking Garage, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Tape, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine puts an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder; George gets excited.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One Where They're Up All Night, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica falls asleep during sex. Rachel argues with Tag. Ross and Joey get stranded on the roof.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One Where They All Turn Thirty, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with the Truth About London, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with Joey's Award, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey overreacts at a daytime drama awards show.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with Rachel's Big Kiss, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister. Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with Chandler's Dad, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler confronts his estranged cross-dressing father. Rachel gets into trouble driving Monica's Porsche.

TV-PG

Friday, Feb 28
12:02 AM

Rubberneckers (DVS)

American Dad

Stan and Francine go out to dinner and Francine catches Stan looking at another woman. Stan tells his co-workers that he got caught and the co-workers teach Stan about Rubbernecking, the art of checking out other woman on the sly.

TV-14

1:02 AM

News Glance with Genevieve Vavance (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley wants to save the world through investigative journalism so she becomes an intern for a local news reporter. The reporter turns out to be Roger, who gets ratings through sensationalized stories.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Brian Goes Back to College (DVS)

Family Guy

After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job at The New Yorker.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Rhinitis Revelation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.

TV-PG

4:02 AM

Isolation Permutation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Speckerman Recurrance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.

TV-14

9:02 AM

Yippie Kayak (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry must leave his family celebration on Christmas Eve to save Jake, Charles and Gina from a real Die Hard situation. Amy tries to prove that she is as tough as Rosa and Holt.

TV-14

10:02 AM

Hostage Situation (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Charles' ex-wife tries to interfere with his relationship with Genevieve. Amy asks Terry for a recommendation letter. Holt and Rose turn to Gina for help with a case.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Life After Death (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline learns that her childhood nanny passed away and brings Max with her to attend the funeral. But once there she discovers that the woman never spoke of Caroline to her own family.

TV-PG

12:02 PM

And the Big But (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max wants to be more than friends with her pastry school partner; Caroline remains attracted to her married teacher.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Subway, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

The friends encounter adventure on the subway.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Boyfriend Part 2, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica remains blissfully unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with the Red Sweater, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel debates whether she should break the news to her baby's father.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with the Videotape, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Halloween Party, The (DVS)

Friends

At Monica's Halloween party, Phoebe meets her twin sister's fiance and finds that she is attracted to him.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with the Stripper, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel tells her belligerent father that she is pregnant with Ross' child.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with Monica's Boots, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler is angry when Monica buys expensive boots. Phoebe tries to get tickets to a Sting concert.

TV-PG

Saturday, Feb 29
12:02 AM

Boy Named Michael, A (DVS)

American Dad

Greg and Terry decide to adopt a ten-year-old Russian boy named Michael. At a party celebrating the decision, Roger is jealous of Greg and Terry's fabulous lifestyle of culture and sophistication. Roger rejects the Smith family as trashy and impersonates Michael, successfully integrating into his new home.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Blagsnarst: A Love Story (DVS)

American Dad

Roger has been acting incredibly needy and clingy with the family. He senses something in the air that is affecting his behavior but he can't tell where its coming from. Roger leads Francine to a forest where they find a crashed alien ship, with the alien still alive.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Battleship (DVS)

When scientists discover a planet in a nearby galaxy capable of sustaining life, they attempt to communicate with its inhabitants who respond by paying Earth a visit. When the alien spacecraft crash lands in the Pacific, near the naval station off the coast of Hawaii, a battle for supremacy unfolds on the water.

TV-14

5:02 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

6:02 AM

Campaign, The (DVS)

When congressman Cam Brady commits a major, public faux pas before an election, two wealthy CEOs see an opportunity to gain influence over their North Carolina district by putting up their own candidate for the job. Their man is Marty Huggins, the naïve director of the local tourism center. At first, Marty is an improbable candidate, but with the help of his backers, a ruthless campaign manager and his family's political connections, he soon becomes a real threat to Cam's reelection.

TV-14

8:02 AM

House, The (DVS)

After Scott and Kate Johansen lose their daughter Alex's college fund, they become desperate to earn it back so she can pursue her dream of attending a university. With the help of their neighbor Frank, they decide to start an illegal casino in the basement of his house.

TV-14

9:02 AM

Campaign, The (DVS)

When congressman Cam Brady commits a major, public faux pas before an election, two wealthy CEOs see an opportunity to gain influence over their North Carolina district by putting up their own candidate for the job. Their man is Marty Huggins, the naïve director of the local tourism center. At first, Marty is an improbable candidate, but with the help of his backers, a ruthless campaign manager and his family's political connections, he soon becomes a real threat to Cam's reelection.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Karen Peralta (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

On his birthday, Jake plans to introduce Amy to his mother but is surprised by the appearance of his father. A new mandate involving body cams causes problems for Charles and Rose during a stakeout with Terry.

TV-14

5:02 PM

Oblivion (DVS)

Jack Harper is one of the last few drone repairmen stationed on Earth. Part of a massive operation to extract vital resources after decades of war with a terrifying threat known as the Scavs, Jack's mission is nearly complete. Living in and patrolling the skies from thousands of feet above, he is brought crashing down when he rescues a beautiful stranger from a downed spacecraft. Her arrival triggers a chain of events that forces him to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

TV-14

8:02 PM

Oblivion (DVS)

Jack Harper is one of the last few drone repairmen stationed on Earth. Part of a massive operation to extract vital resources after decades of war with a terrifying threat known as the Scavs, Jack's mission is nearly complete. Living in and patrolling the skies from thousands of feet above, he is brought crashing down when he rescues a beautiful stranger from a downed spacecraft. Her arrival triggers a chain of events that forces him to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

TV-14

10:02 PM

Jack Reacher (DVS)

After a gunman kills five people with just six shots, all of the evidence points to the suspect who is in custody. But when he is interrogated, the suspect claims his innocence and tells the police to "Get Jack Reacher!" Reacher sees the story on the news and comes to town in order to confirm the man's guilt, but instead turns up an unexpected enemy with a secret and a skill for violence.

TV-14

11:02 PM

Battleship (DVS)

When scientists discover a planet in a nearby galaxy capable of sustaining life, they attempt to communicate with its inhabitants who respond by paying Earth a visit. When the alien spacecraft crash lands in the Pacific, near the naval station off the coast of Hawaii, a battle for supremacy unfolds on the water.

TV-14

Sunday, Mar 1
1:03 AM

Jack Reacher (DVS)

After a gunman kills five people with just six shots, all of the evidence points to the suspect who is in custody. But when he is interrogated, the suspect claims his innocence and tells the police to "Get Jack Reacher!" Reacher sees the story on the news and comes to town in order to confirm the man's guilt, but instead turns up an unexpected enemy with a secret and a skill for violence.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Holiday (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Prince Chauncley struggle to deal with their families over the holidays.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the Icing on the Cake (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Icing on the Cake (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

7:03 PM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

Monday, Mar 2
1:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Help Wanted (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al lands an impressive new job. Prince Chauncley loses one of his favorite ducks.

TV-MA

4:03 AM

Internship (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Prince Chauncley gets an internship. Mikey makes some new friends.

TV-MA

5:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Help Wanted (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al lands an impressive new job. Prince Chauncley loses one of his favorite ducks.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

8:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the ATM (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

And the ATM (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.

TV-14

6:03 PM

One Where Joey Dates Rachel, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel joins Joey for a night out in order to prepare him for a big date.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Secret Closet, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One Where Joey Tells Rachel, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey tells Rachel that he is in love with her.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One in Massapequa, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe brings her annoyingly upbeat boyfriend to the 35th anniversary of Monica and Ross' parents, who urge Ross and pregnant Rachel to pretend to be married.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Baby Shower, The (DVS)

Friends

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Rachel Is Late, The (DVS)

Friends

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Mar 3
12:03 AM

Two for Tina (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

Jimmy Jr. is threatened when Tina starts dating a ballet dancer named Josh, and the two boys get into an epic dance-off for her heart.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Boopa-Dee Bappa Dee (DVS)

Family Guy

The Quahog 5 News reports an ongoing price war between airlines has led to extremely reduced fares. Lois takes advantage of the situation and purchases tickets to Italy for the family.

TV-14

2:03 AM

In Harmony's Way (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70's.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Peter Problems (DVS)

Family Guy

Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Brian's a Bad Father (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.

TV-14

5:03 AM

3 Acts of God (DVS)

Family Guy

It's football season and the Patriots have just lost their tenth game in a row. A disgruntled Peter joins Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland at The Clam to drink and complain about their home team. Peter suddenly has an epiphany while watching the post-game show: the teams that defeat the Patriots consistently thank God for carrying them to victory.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Census of the Lambs, The (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley and Stan compete while collecting data for the US Census. Klaus inherits a camera and has Steve and his friends model for him.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Pez Dispenser, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George worries over gaining the upper hand in his current romance.

TV-PG

8:03 AM

Conan 101358 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

9:03 AM

No Sugar, Tons of Spice (DVS)

Hot Ones: The Game Show

In this battle of the sexes, two teams duke it out against the catastrophic concoctions from Chef Willie. One will extinguish the fire and take home $25,000 while the other goes down in flames! And it all goes down in the Pepperdome!

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Married Man Sleepover (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline asks Max and Deke to join on her dinner date at Nicholas' loft to make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret. Caroline and Max also treat themselves to very special hair appointments.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Kilt Trip (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline tries to fit in with Max and the diner gang as they go out to get wild and crazy at the St. Patrick's Day parade but she finds herself longing to practice her former holiday traditions at the Plaza Hotel.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Good Samaritan, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then wants to date her.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Parking Space, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry's car clanks after Elaine and George borrow it.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Emma Cries, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Sharks, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.

TV-14

9:03 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Rachel's Other Sister, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel has a bone to pick with her self-centered sister on Thanksgiving.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One with Christmas in Tulsa, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica fears the worst when she learns Chandler will be spending Christmas in Tulsa working on a deadline with a beautiful co-worker.

TV-PG

Wednesday, Mar 4
12:03 AM

Scents and Sensei-bility (DVS)

American Dad

Steve and Snot are fed up with being bullied. When they enroll in a karate class, Snot is brainwashed by the sensei and it's Steve's mission to get him back. Meanwhile, Klaus develops a horrible odor and is forced to be an outside pet.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Now and Gwen (DVS)

American Dad

When Francine's sister Gwen comes to town, Hayley suspects she is up to no good. Meanwhile, Stan teaches Steve the art of hugging Aunt Gwen and Klaus shadows Roger's dramatic comments.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Patriot Games (DVS)

Family Guy

At his high school reunion, Peter pretends to be a millionaire, but the truth comes out when he meets Tom Brady and loses all self-control.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Propagation Proposition, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's ex-boyfriend, Zack, and his wife want a baby, but when Zack is infertile, they ask Leonard to help. Raj attempts to mend things with his ex-fiancee, Anu.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Meteorite Manifestation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is thrilled to help Bernadette and Howard navigate bureaucratic paperwork, until he discovers they are breaking the law. Leonard is disappointed when his friends exclude him from a scientific project.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

D & D Vortex, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The gang finds out Wil Wheaton hosts a celebrity Dungeons and Dragons game involving William Shatner, Joe Manganiello, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Kevin Smith. Deception and betrayal are the path to make it to the one open seat.

TV-PG

6:03 AM

Music Festival (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Maggie go to a music festival. Prince Chauncley deals with a temperamental rock star.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

Music Festival (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Maggie go to a music festival. Prince Chauncley deals with a temperamental rock star.

TV-MA

8:03 AM

Conan 101359 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

9:03 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Not Broke Parents (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When the pastry school closes Deke has an idea of purchasing it, so he invites Caroline and Max to meet his parents, Max is tongue-tied until his mother confides in her about her secret past.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the New Lease on Life (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are forced to find the original tenant of their apartment when the lease expires and convince him to re-sign or else they will face eviction.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Trip Part 1, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Bubble Boy, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry gets lost en route to visiting a sickly fan.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Blind Dates, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.

TV-14

8:03 PM

One with the Boob Job, The (DVS)

Friends

Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with the Lottery, The (DVS)

Friends

The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One with the Donor, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.

TV-PG

Thursday, Mar 5
12:03 AM

LGBSteve (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley is dying to be on a roller derby team, but they will only let her play if her "sister" Steve will play too. Meanwhile, a magical carpenter visits Stan and Francine and Roger runs the roller rink.

TV-14

1:03 AM

My Affair Lady (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley gets a job and starts to fall for a co-worker. Meanwhile, Stan chauffers Steve and Francine to a Mother-Son dance. Hayley is broke and gets an office job where she meets a cute co-worker named Ax. Klaus and Roger encourage her to have sex with Ax on an office retreat. Hayley is all for it until she finds out Ax is a married man. Hayley backs out when she sees he has a tattoo of Roger. Back at home, Stan steals Francine from Steve at the school dance and tries to make it up to him by letting them dance at home.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Sibling Rivalry (DVS)

Family Guy

After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Beta Test Initiation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Vacation Solution, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Werewolf Transformation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.

TV-PG

6:03 AM

March 4, 2020 (DVS)

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

A talk show of Samantha Bee's nuanced, satirical view of political and cultural issues.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

March 4, 2020 (DVS)

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

A talk show of Samantha Bee's nuanced, satirical view of political and cultural issues.

TV-MA

8:03 AM

Conan 101360 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the First Degree (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the DJ Face (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Old Bike Yarn (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Model Apartment (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Supermodels Lily Aldridge and Martha Hunt rent Max and Caroline's apartment for a fun girls' weekend.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Ticket, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Watch Part 2, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to buy back a discarded watch, a gift from his parents.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Ross Is Fine, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Cake, The (DVS)

Friends

An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with Ross's Grant, The (DVS)

Friends

When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Late Thanksgiving, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica prepares a Thanksgiving feast for the gang, then becomes enraged when everyone shows up late; Phoebe convinces Rachel to enter Emma in a baby beauty contest.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.

TV-PG

Friday, Mar 6
12:03 AM

Manhattan Magical Murder Mystery Tour (DVS)

American Dad

Francine is up for an award for her lonely housewife novel, so the family heads to New York for the ceremony. Meanwhile, Stan and Hayley hang out with actor Robert Wuhl, and Steve and Roger recreate their Wheels and the Legman personas.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Holy S***, Jeff's Back! (DVS)

American Dad

Jeff returns from space. Or does he? Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Peterotica (DVS)

Family Guy

After reading an erotic novel, Peter decides to write one of his own and gets Carter to publish it.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Hawking Excitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Launch Acceleration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Higgs Boson Observation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Adrian Pimento (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake isn't sure what to think when an unstable detective returns to the Nine-Nine after being under cover for years. The precinct's custodian takes issue with Charles' rebellious behavior; Holt asks Gina to direct a video.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Conan 101361 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

9:03 AM

Paranoia (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa asks Jake to help change Terry's mind about her new relationship. Adrian Pimento suspects someone from his past is out to get him.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Bureau, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Capt. Holt enlists an old friend in the FBI for help with a difficult heist. Terry and Gina find out there's an information leak in the Nine-Nine.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Past and the Furious (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline is shocked when she receives a Lamborghini for her birthday, which her father ordered for her four years ago. Meanwhile, Oleg plans something special for Sophie.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Opera, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Unaware her beau is a mad stalker, Jerry takes Elaine to the opera.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Contest, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine vie at self-denial.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with Phoebe's Wedding, The (DVS)

Friends

A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with Princess Consuela, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss. Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with Rachel's Going Away Party (DVS)

Friends

One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

Last One Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

Worst. Hot Sauce. Ever (DVS)

Hot Ones: The Game Show

Two comic book guys take on two twerkin' besties who live by the motto "Eat, pray, twerk." The mighty "Constrictor Sauce" knocks the comic book guys to their knees, but they continue to fight for justice…and $25,000! Can their pure will be enough to stop their opponents from twerking their way to victory?

11:03 PM

Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth (DVS)

American Dad

When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.

TV-14

Saturday, Mar 7
12:03 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Life Aquatic with Steve Smith, The (DVS)

American Dad

Steve joins the high school water polo team in order to get girls. Meanwhile, Roger and Stan get a boat.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Vacation (DVS)

The next generation of Griswolds is at it again! Following in his father's footsteps and hoping for some much-needed family bonding, a grown-up Rusty Griswold surprises his wife, Debbie, and their two sons with an ill-fated cross-country trip back to America's favorite family fun park, Walley World, before it closes forever.

TV-14

3:03 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Vacation (DVS)

The next generation of Griswolds is at it again! Following in his father's footsteps and hoping for some much-needed family bonding, a grown-up Rusty Griswold surprises his wife, Debbie, and their two sons with an ill-fated cross-country trip back to America's favorite family fun park, Walley World, before it closes forever.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

9:03 AM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

11:03 AM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

3:03 PM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

5:03 PM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

6:03 PM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

8:03 PM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

10:03 PM

Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (DVS)

A few years back, venture capitalist John Hammond figured out how to recreate dinosaurs from DNA fragments encased in ember. He started a company called InGen, which placed the genetically engineered dinosaurs in a theme park on an island in Costa Rica. But the Jurassic Park systems broke down shortly before it could open, the dinosaurs got free and had to be destroyed, and the island was closed to the public. In the aftermath, everyone involved moved quickly to quash the story. InGen wanted to limit its liability. The Costa Rican government wanted to preserve its reputation as a tourist paradise. And the individual scientists who had been hired as consultants on the project were bound by the nondisclosure agreement to remain silent. But as Dr. Ian Malcolm is about to find out something has survived.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Jurassic Park III (DVS)

Anxious to fund research for his new theory of velociraptor intelligence, renowned paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant is persuaded by wealthy adventurer Paul Kirby and his wife Amanda to accompany them on an aerial tour of Isla Sorna. This infamous island, once InGen's site B, has become both a primordial breeding ground for John Hammond's magnificent creations and a magnet for thrill-seekers eager to encounter them. When a tragic accident maroons the party of seven, Grant discovers the true reason his deceptive hosts have invited him along. In their perilous attempt to escape, the dwindling group encounters terrifying new creatures undisclosed by InGen and Grant is forced to learn the dreadful implications of his raptor intelligence theory firsthand.

TV-PG

Sunday, Mar 8
1:03 AM

Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (DVS)

A few years back, venture capitalist John Hammond figured out how to recreate dinosaurs from DNA fragments encased in ember. He started a company called InGen, which placed the genetically engineered dinosaurs in a theme park on an island in Costa Rica. But the Jurassic Park systems broke down shortly before it could open, the dinosaurs got free and had to be destroyed, and the island was closed to the public. In the aftermath, everyone involved moved quickly to quash the story. InGen wanted to limit its liability. The Costa Rican government wanted to preserve its reputation as a tourist paradise. And the individual scientists who had been hired as consultants on the project were bound by the nondisclosure agreement to remain silent. But as Dr. Ian Malcolm is about to find out something has survived.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Cinderella (DVS)

After her father unexpectedly dies, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her cruel stepmother and stepsisters, who reduce her to scullery maid. Despite her circumstances, she refuses to despair. An invitation to a palace ball gives Ella hope that she might reunite with the dashing stranger she met in the woods, but her stepmother prevents her from going. Help arrives in the form of a kindly beggar woman who has a magic touch for ordinary things.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Cinderella (DVS)

After her father unexpectedly dies, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her cruel stepmother and stepsisters, who reduce her to scullery maid. Despite her circumstances, she refuses to despair. An invitation to a palace ball gives Ella hope that she might reunite with the dashing stranger she met in the woods, but her stepmother prevents her from going. Help arrives in the form of a kindly beggar woman who has a magic touch for ordinary things.

TV-PG

8:03 AM

And the Great Unwashed (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the Crime Ring (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are arrested for breaking into a cute guy's apartment to retrieve some rings Caroline left there after she spent the night.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Great Unwashed (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.

TV-14

1:03 PM

One with the East German Laundry Detergent, The (DVS)

Friends

While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

One Where Eddie Won't Go, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross struggles to maintain a long-distance relationship. Chandler tries to get a date for Rachel. Monica schemes to establish authority at her new restaurant job.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One with All the Wedding Dresses, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reacts drastically to Ross' engagement. Chandler becomes exasperated by Joey's snoring.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Miss Congeniality (DVS)

After botching up an undercover assignment involving Russian mobsters, less-than-graceful FBI Agent Gracie Hart is placed on desk duty. However, when a terrorist, known only as The Citizen, threatens to disrupt the Miss America pageant, Gracie, unfortunately, is the only agent attractive enough to go undercover posing as Miss New Jersey.

TV-PG

Monday, Mar 9
12:03 AM

Wonder Woman (DVS)

Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons: trained to be a warrior. An American pilot crashes on their shores and tells of a massive conflict raging in the outside world, Diana leaves her home to stop the threat.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Wonder Woman (DVS)

Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons: trained to be a warrior. An American pilot crashes on their shores and tells of a massive conflict raging in the outside world, Diana leaves her home to stop the threat.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Miss Congeniality (DVS)

After botching up an undercover assignment involving Russian mobsters, less-than-graceful FBI Agent Gracie Hart is placed on desk duty. However, when a terrorist, known only as The Citizen, threatens to disrupt the Miss America pageant, Gracie, unfortunately, is the only agent attractive enough to go undercover posing as Miss New Jersey.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Pick, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One with the Sonogram, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The (DVS)

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with the Butt, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman.

TV-14

7:03 PM

One Where the Nana Dies Twice, The (DVS)

Friends

When Ross and Monica's grandmother dies, the whole gang attends the funeral service. Chandler questions his sexual persona when a co-worker wants to arrange a date for him with another guy.

TV-14

8:03 PM

Hayley Smith, Seal Team Six (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley mentally regresses to a six-year-old. Steve and his pals get a slow cooker.

TV-14